I will not listen to IPS, I will not listen to IPS....

I have a love/hate relationship with studying my "symptoms" during a TWW to see if this somewhat newer symptom or way more intense breast pain = BFP in my future. But is it PMS or EPS (early pregnancy symptoms)?  Sometimes I call PMS "IPS" for imaginary pregnancy symptoms.

I love going to www.countdowntopregnancy.com to log my most recent symptoms and check out stats on most common early pregnancy symptoms, when they're most often experienced, etc. It is one of my favorite sites, as they offer at least 6 ways to log breast pain---because if you've been TTCing long, you know one cycle may have tender nipples only, sometimes just underarms/sides of breasts hurt and sometimes breasts ache when just sitting but don't feel worse if touched and other times only hurt if touched/pressed.

Way to confuse a girl, eh!  Anyhow, I'm bringing this up because my PMS/IPS symptoms are singing their song:

When you're running to go pee
and go up a size or three,
then it must be time to take your H-P-T!

If your boobs are really sore
and you crave chocolates galore,
then it's time to get behind that bathroom door!

If your eyes are drooping low
and your thinking's kind of slow
then this month you're bound to miss your Aunt Flow!

test-test-test TEST test-test-test TEST 
It is your time to TEEEEEEEESSSST!!!!!!!

So, I'm a leetle obsessed with symptoms. Last night around 6PM, it seemed like my nips were starting to throb and by 10PM the tops and sides of my breast were burning kind of sore--kind of tingling. I also noticed getting tired around 10PM before I took meds--usually don't get tired until 11PM or later.

BUT, I will not test tomorrow. If I temp tomorrow AND Friday morning, I can test then. 

I'm such a symptom whore

Hi fellow blog-readers! I'm sorry to have abandoned you for a bit. I went to TX Memorial Day weekend and saw DH. Also, we finally set a date for the move, July 4th weekend!!! As you can guess I have been very busy preparing to move, packing, leaving work, etc.

It was very exciting that I had just happened to be ovulating Memorial Day weekend when I saw DH. So I had a cycle where it *might* be possible for us to conceive. And I started getting some distinct IPS that were different than any I've had recently and resembled a few from my miscarriage. I started spotting around 8DPO---and then it lightened. Maybe IBS? I had fingers, toes and anything else crossed that it was so.

 I even decided to supplement with some progesterone cream. But then the bleeding increased and AF arrived Thursday morning. She just loves to crush my hope when it is at it's peak. I let myself be consumed again by every little symptom after promising myself not to listen to the symptoms again. 

Ah well. Maybe next time.

Waiting for true IPS to begin...

Well, since hCG isn't produced until AFTER implantation is complete (which can take up to a day or two) it really makes little sense to pay attention to symptoms until that window starts right?

Which is one reason I've been discounting most of my symptoms up til now. Depending on which book/site/doctor you consult, implantation can happen anywhere from 6-12 DPO. So, all of my symptoms up til now have really just been my regular PMS.

So far I have had:

• Backache
• Sore BBs (sides, nips, kind of burning/itching on whole area at times)
• Headaches
• Fatigue--been worsening since O...now it is pretty constant but increases after 5PM
• Some moodiness/weepiness--but nowhere near as bad as in the past.
• Weird pain in pelvis--mostly dull cramps or cervix pain, but have also started getting a yeast infection---started Yeast Gard to circumvent
• Frequent urination--not as bad as last time, but cannot hold forever

That's about all...seems the usual list I get. So TODAY is now 6DPO, so I'm entering the beginning period when implantation may occur. So I'm on the lookout for some Implantation signs.

When I woke this morning, I had a HUGE temp dip. I did take my temp 2 hours early (again to pee!) BUT even adjusted it was 98.03, which is now below coverline. Part of the issue may be that it was daylight savings time last night (jump forward--lost an hour) so that accounts for some of the dip, maybe all of it. But potential implantation dip? Looking at my last preggo chart, other than my fall-back rise (which was also at 3 DPO) I didn't have a significant dip until 8DPO and was able to get a faint positive 4 days later at 12DPO using tests at about 25 mIU sensitivity.

To further complicate matters, my 10 mIU tests just arrived from Early Pregnancy Tests.com. OMG! Sometimes I wish Early Pregnancy Tests.com weren't so fast!  Them being so sensitive I reason they could catch a BFP as early as 8DPO...I must wait until Thursday to test (10DPO). Maybe if I don't open the package...

IPS (Imaginary Pregnancy Symptoms) from hell!!!!!

Well, I've been a bit silent since my 6DPO post due to two things:

1. DH was freaking out (again) over how much I share on the 'net. Admittedly, if WE are pregnant it will be joint effort although I will do much of the incubating and he should have a say in when and how it is revealed.
2. I had no friggin' clue what my cycle was doing!!

If symptoms could truly confirm pregnancy, I would have had my BFP. I had of course tested early on Valentine's Day (8DPO) as the POAS addict that I am. I delayed testing again until 11 DPO (it is amazing the effect of spending extra moolah on the tests has on your willpower!). Mostly with FRER, but at first had the CBE digi HPT. Anyhoo, still BFNs. By 12-14DPO I had been spotting for--no lie--6 days. Wasn't sure what to call it. I was giving up.

THEN, driving home from the GI doc, INTENSE nausea that did not diminish much after a bowel movement. Also, from that day on (and still) I've had intense sense of smell. Changed my sense of taste a bit too. This gave me hope. These were two symptoms I had my last pregnancy (a bit early on the nausea, but I wasn't really near vomiting, REALLY).

Still no BFP on my home preggo tests. If you remember, I was due to have another Cardiac MRI on Friday. I wasn't sure if the MRI itself was dangerous, but I was pretty sure the contrast dye they used was not so helpful. To give it extra time, I called and moved it again. This time I asked the lab advice on possible pregnancy. They advised a beta and they would not do the test. When I called the Heart Dr.'s office, they said though that it shouldn't prohibit the WHOLE test, but just to have no contrast. We were having a lot of snow that week, so I kept that changed appt time. 

So, THIS Friday (March 4th), I'll be finally heading in for this Cardiac MRI. I'm 98% certain I ain't preggo. (always a little doubt when TTCing, right?). I am still at a loss for my intensified symptoms. Not only have I had continued increased sense of smell (despite a stuffy nose!), my temps have been wavering around my coverline, breasts have had a different level of tenderness, and slight dizzy spells. Backaches were increasing too, but that could be me missing the chiropractor due to snow. 

At some point I just wondered if taking Vitex (Chasteberry) for just a week had some sort of impact. ALSO, when I started gaining hope I decided to help it out by taking some progesterone cream. I think I took too much and this is the true culprit of my "symptoms".

Ah well, if I can get this Cardiac MRI done then maybe I can find out what is happening there, if needed change meds and really jump on the TTC bandwagon!

The Essence of the TWW

I was just mulling over my last cycle again. I went back and forth between certain optimism that this IS the cycle and I AM pregnant to reminding myself that realistically, my "symptoms" over my TWW can change from cycle to cycle just cause that is what our bodies do. We never have "the same" TWW--there will always be that one tiny thing we can point out that is new or different--that we can try to hang our hat on as an indicator that we are pregnant.

But this is the essence of the TWW--the cycling between hope and despondency. We have put so much work, sacrifice and pain into "helping" our bodies create the perfect environment for growing a young life that we anxiously examine any sign that would prove our efforts are not in vain and that we are not engaged in an endlessly futile struggle.

I think it will be the death of me (or my efforts to TTC!)

Sinuses, temp spikes, sleeplessness, Oh my!

Ok, I know I've used the ol' "Wizard of Oz" Lions, and Tigers, and Bears, OH MY title before, but how can you resist? Also, this is a super long post, and if you read the whole thing, bless you! : )

Sinus update--fatigue is somewhat less, but cough is way worse, sore throat moderately sore (compared to severe) and ears are itchy. Yuck. I kind of wish I'd asked the Dr at the Walk-in for a z-pack in hopes this would clear soon---I saw online it was pregnancy category B!! So is the amoxicillin he gave me, but I have 10+ days worth!! One cool thing he gave was a list of OTC (over-the-counter) meds that are "safe" for pregnancy. (Expect a post with that later!)

Temp spikes---click the link to my chart at the top--99.1! Now for most people this would be a fever. I suppose it could be. I feel I don't have any reliable fever thermometers. The only one I trust is my BBT. Also, woke at 5AMish to pee and so got slightly less sleep than needed to accurately trust the temp. Here's the thing though---lately, my pre-O temps are hovering between 97.6 and 98.1---98.0 is my coverline and my pre-O temps were more often in the lower half of the 97s. So, now my coverline is about the same, but my pre-O temps seem to hover just underneath that until O. SO, assuming that I COULD be pregnant, and that I MIGHT go triphasic, it makes sense that I would get up to the low 99s, right?? (See me desperately grasping straws)

The sleeplessness thing. This COULD have been since I got the sinus infection (about 1 week pre-O) BUT from what I recorded on FF, the waking regularly around 4AM has been since O....not my usual LP experience, though it has happened a few times, this time it is CONSTANT. Also, the frequent urination thing---I usually overestimate this one, but I timed it the other day and 30 minutes after peeing I need to go again.  I can guarantee I will wake at least once before temping (~7:10AM--I know I'm weird for picking that time) and that time has ranged anywhere from 3:30-5AM. Most of those are early enough that I technically can get enough sleep in to have the required 3 hours sleep before temping. But not always. So, I just went and marked every day that I seemed to wake up early AM.

And, I know this is not the accepted truth, but I SWEAR that I have tested myself by taking temps when I first wake (at an early hour) and then again when I wake at regular testing time---and my temp DROPS. This is exactly opposite effect from what you read about in most charting materials. I suspect it is because I get all snuggly under the heavy covers that it acts as a sort of incubation and the first waking and getting out of covers creates a massive cooling down that the short amount of sleep can't regain the temp.

So, high temp, but this morning the leftover sperm from yesterday was streaked with darkish or bright red blood. This is just about on-cue for me to truly start spotting with my reg cycles. But at the same time I have doubt because, well, not to get to TMI, but let's just say there was a lot of irritation in the vajayjay after yesterday's exercise. Right after there was NOTHING. Today, just flecks in the seminal fluid.

Oh, and I decided to test using my CBEFM test sticks with my Clearblue digi OPK reader---the sticks look ALMOST exactly the same. It sure fit. Please don't laugh, but I was so tired when I first woke to pee at 5AM that I think I compromised the test with overflowing urine. I'm new to the CB OPK digi and I forgot that you put the test in the reader BEFORE peeing on it. I was using it like I would for the CBEFM. The CB OPK digi reader wouldn't work with it. So I tried again at 7Am and it did read it...got nothing though. And it looks like Estrogen is back in dominance, which for the average LP it would be higher than LH at this point. I wish there were a home Progesterone test! Kind of pointless unless it is quantitative and all home tests are qualitative (i.e. first one gives an exact # of the levels and the second is just a Yes/No answer). So if there were a Progesterone pee stick I'd have to take a baseline one right before O and then start testing later...but still, it'd be hard to know just HOW high it is getting.

I know we POAS addicts like to think a darker line means more hormone in the test (OPK, HPT, FSH, whatever) but the truth is that although this is generally true, each batch of the respective tests can have a varying amount of dye in each test---meaning same brand, different batch could yield very different results from the same urine sample in terms of color darkness. So, that's why ladies if you take an HPT one day that is super dark and the next very light followed by another dark one---mostly differences in dye, but then you add in different concentrations of urine (unless you truly used all from the same urine sample within 1 hour). Same thing for OPKs. We all like to think we can line up our OPKs and see a gradual darkening of the test line--and generally we can, but don't be surprised if there are a few in-between that get really darker or really lighter than the previous--it's all down to dye and pee.

6DPO--Maybe October Baby?

So sorry I have been absent for so long! All I can say is since my last post I have come down with a horrible sinus infection and just starting to feel up to snuff--still got a stuffy nose, sore throat, cough, but fatigue is lessening.

Anyhoo, if you've checked my chart you'll see that I could *potentially* have conceived this cycle. I had one day of BD on the day before O (2nd best day next to 2 days before O and O according to this study in the NEJM) so maybe.

I have been back on my vitamin regimen--Stuart Prenatal, Vitamin D (1000 IU), Vitamin B6 100 mg 2x day, and Folic Acid (4mg daily). I'm hoping the B6 lessens the spotting before AF (if she comes).

But I have had spotting since yesterday. Not my regular sort, which is either bright red or light pink---this is like creamy/sticky CM that is tinged light to dark brown.

Other than that I've been having cramp like AF and some not like since O---which is odd, they don't usually start that early. At 5 and 6 DPO I have a sort of jumpy/throbbing feeling in my pelvis when I lay down. Don't know if it qualifies as twinges. Who knows? I'm probably making it all up in my head.

We'll see! The fun thing is that if I am preggo the baby would be due around October 30. It would be so fun to have a Hallowe'en baby!