How to accept the option of living child-free

Obviously, I haven't posted in months. From my last post, I was struggling with the recommendations from my doctors that carrying a pregnancy would endanger my life and processing never being able to parent a child that was my husband's and mine without the use of a surrogate.
Every couple seeking to conceive will have different motivations for doing so. I think for all of us it is based on a primal instinct to reproduce.  I believe the motivations of each couple are important in determining what avenues of achieving parenthood that they  are willing to pursue.

Most couples start with natural means. Some may need to move on to further medical interventions, such as IUI or IVF. These may be needed if the couples main motivation is to carry a child that is genetically theirs and for the mother to carry the pregnancy.



For some, their fertility problems or other health issues may require them to look at other options. These may include:

• Egg /Sperm donation
• For couples whose main issue is the viability of the woman's egg or man's sperm that prevents pregnancy, but the female could still carry a pregnancy.
• Individuals wishing to conceive as a single parent may use this method
• Same-sex couples wishing to  have a child with at least one of the partners' genetic material
• Interested? Check these out for more info:
• Family Building Through Egg and Sperm Donation (Google Affiliate Ad) 
• Principles of Oocyte and Embryo Donation (Google Affiliate Ad)

• Surrogacy
• For prospective parents that are in need of a woman to carry their child
• Prospective mother is unable to carry a pregnancy to term due to inability or health risks to the potential mother
• Male same-sex couples may combine egg donation with the use of a surrogate to carry their embryo (As described in The Complete Lesbian & Gay Parenting Guide By Lev, Arlene Istar (Google Affiliate Ad))
• For more info see Birth Power: The Case for Surrogacy (Google Affiliate Ad)
• Adoption
• Couples who have reached the limit of natural conception and are either unable or not desiring to  pursue alternative methods listed above
• Couples whose desire for parenthood may supersede their desire to have a genetic child
• Couples or single parents that desire to join their parenting goals with giving an orphaned child a family
• If you would like to look into this, check out:
• Secrets to Your Successful Domestic Adoption By Pedley, Jennifer Joyce (Google Affiliate Ad) 
• Adopting a Daughter from China (Google Affiliate Ad)
• The Complete Book of International Adoption By Davenport, Dawn (Google Affiliate Ad)
• Child-Free
• This option is for couples or hopeful parents-to-be that may have exhausted their resources and efforts on the above family-building options

 As I processed the grief of never being able to carry my own child, I had to evaluate which of these options my spouse and I would be willing to try. I realized the main part of my grief was that my husband and I would not be able to have a child that was ours--a mixture of him and me. When I realized that this was more important to me than simply being a parent, I realized that the only options we might have would be surrogacy or child-free. Since surrogacy is currently out of our financial means, I was beginning to accept a child-free life.

Since I genuinely love my husband and our current life together this was an acceptable option for me. It was easier to accept when my husband reminded me that he married me, not someone to be the mother of his children and he loved me not matter what. I feel exactly the same way, and I know now that if we are somehow able to conceive a child of our own or not, I will still be fulfilled in the life I have.