Positive Thinking Challenge #6--Waiting sucks

So, I have a few medical procedures that will be causing me to wait longer. Le sigh. For my GI issues I have an endoscopy and colonoscopy scheduled. I was tempted to cancel the endoscopy, but as it is set for MLK day (which is a work holiday) I will be able to go without missing work.

However, after seeing my cardiologist now he says the pictures from my recent ECHO are unclear and he wants to be sure there has been a change. So NOW I get to have a Cardiac MRI, yay :-(  My favorite (insert sarcasm here).

So, since pregnancy interferes with these procedures (or vice-versa) I definitely need to delay TTC until after the ECHO in February. It's on the 3rd though, so likely this means we can start trying that month!!! Hooray! One more month of waiting!!!

Positive Word Challenge #5--Back home...AF came...and she's a lot healthier!

So my visit back home was wonderful. It was so great to see my family and my husband's family.

I did get my period right after Christmas and before New Years. I had some painful cramps, but Thanksgivings were definitely the worst. BUT, like Thanksgivings period, this flow was different.

So, TMI ALERT!!!       TMI ALERT!!     TMI ALERT!!


Gonna talk about period flow consistency, texture, etc...



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Most of my periods in the past have had clots, darkish/red or brown blood.  The last two have been amazingly clot free, thinnish, bright red blood. And my flow volume has followed more or less a healthy pattern...M -> Heavy --> M --> M --> Light. The only weird bit is that it seems like I have EWCM mixed in sometimes...kind of yellowish-slippery flow, but also very bloody.

So I did some Googling and found ONE site that mentions healthiness of flow. I found out that bright red, clot-free flow is actually the sign of a healthy period! And this was a second completely B6/vitamin free cycle.  Also, I spotted a mere 2 days before full flow, rather than 5. Hip, hip, hooray!!

I am just hoping this is a good sign for my overall fertility. The only thing hard to judge is whether my luteal phase was shortened. I left my thermometer at home so am unclear on my O date. Looking over my chart it would seem that my LP was max 10 days this cycle. So, I will most likely need to get back on B6 or even try vitex.

Hope y'all had a happy holidays and looking forward to a fertile 2011!!

Positive Word Challenge Day 3--Trying or Preventing?

Sooooo, last time we BD I was intent on protection...and trying out new methods of barrier protection. This time tried the Sponge...so-so. So far the best I've tried, but still have some others I might look into.

Well....today I had a HUGE dip in my chart. And I'm right around the time that I could be O'ing. I thought my CM was sticky, but noticed the circular pattern in my underwear and changed it to watery. And DH has been wanting to BD. So, when I came home tonight I *might* have DTD without using protection. Ooops!

I doubt I'll actually become pregnant. The one cycle I did achieve pregnancy, I used Mucinex and had picture perfect EWCM. This CM is a combo of sticky/watery. Less likely to help the sperm reach the desired destination.

Well, fingers-crossed. Who knows, maybe I'll get a Christmas Miracle?

Positive Word Challenge Day 2--Gall Bladder/GI issues

So to add to the continuous onset of disease after disease I have developed over the last two months some GastroIntestinal issues. I suspect gall bladder because most of the women on my Mom's side of the family (including my Mom) have had their gall bladder removed. Essentially I have almost no appetite because whenever I eat I get nauseous and have severe diarrhea about 2 hours later.

I have been looking for a new PCP for awhile, but kept post-poning because I would forget at work to call for an appointment. I found a new clinic that has all of the amenities I like plus a walk-in clinic. So, yesterday I called in sick (I was SO tired from waking up every hour and restless sleep) and went to the clinic for an appointment.

I saw a doctor who FINALLY listened to my concerns and instead of giving me all of the reasons to decline further tests/treatments, he said "I think these are the tests you need to have, what do you want to do?"  My other doctors seemed to minimize my pain and made me think they had the opinion I was a hypochondriac.

As soon as I can I want to transfer care over to the new doctor. Let's call him Dr. Empathy. I just need to call my insurance and find out what if anything needs to be done.

I will keep you posted. I expect to hear from Dr. Empathy in about 1-2 days (most likely 2). There's a chance it could be gall bladder. If that is the case, most likely I'll need surgery, which I'm sure will delay my TTC some more. Maybe Cheri22's prediction will come true. In that case I might not get pregnant until June 2011! Ah well.

1st Positive Word Challenge Post--AF arrived

Of course the day I post my positive word challenge I forget to post. For three days. Ah well. This is why each of the next 30 posts will start with the above title. "Nth Positive Word Challenge Post" until we reach 30th.

So, Thursday morning, around 1AM....still awake watching a movie with SIL and her husband.  Cramps began really strong. I had been spotting for 5 or more days. This time go to the bathroom and FULL flow.  My cramps were so bad I was nauseous and after the movie was over I broke down in tears.

DH was sooo sweet. I asked for a heating pad, but SIL was without one. So he offered to "massage" until the pain was gone. I was a bit skeptical, but his hands were as warm as a heating pad! That felt a little better.

The strange thing is that when I have the 5 days of spotting before full flow, my actual period flow looks like this: Heavy --> Light --> Light --> Spotting.  Sometimes there is a Medium instead of the Light . But this was how my flow went this time. I actually thought I was on a spotting day today but went to pee and lots on the TP. So to be safe I put in a pad.

Well, enough yucky period talk. I had such positive pregnancy symptoms this cycle it caused me to hope against hope despite my BD schedule lacking. I had these Extra-Sensitive (10 mIU) HPTs that I was using. I kept getting one line each day. I had more success with SMU as you will see in this 11 DPO pic and invert:





I am pretty sure they're evaps. But they give hope, and it's horrible. This was my concern with the 10 mIU tests, that they would lead to more evaps. I kept telling myself to accept a DEFINITE line as a positive and to ignore the evaps. I am out of tests because I started POAS at 7DPO. That is insanely early!!

I have ONE FRER, but I can hold out on that one until just before my period. So, my goal is to avoid buying any HPTs until O is confirmed (at 3DPO or so). Early-pregnancy-tests.com has a very quick delivery, so if I order around 5-6 DPO, then the tests will arrive around 10-12 DPO.

The hard part is this: I am a POAS-aholic (Peeing-on-a-Stick). I worry that my need to POAS will be so great that I will run out and buy any test I can get my hands on (even evil blue-dye!). I am hopeful that not having any peesticks in the house will keep me from this.

Hopefully.

30 day Positive Thinking Challenge!!

So, I've pretty much created this challenge for myself. I am a mental health therapist, and day in and day out I work with people that have severely negative self-images. The worst part is they don't realize it and they believe the negative opinions they have of themselves are truly who they are. This makes it nearly impossible for them to effect the change they wish because they are rooted in the belief that they can achieve nothing, are worthless and no one loves them.

So, I started noticing that I have a lot of negative self-talk myself. In discussion with a co-worker on sending out subconscious thoughts he postulated that our subconscious is only attuned to positive words and phrases and if we send out a negatively phrased desire "No pager calls" then our subconscious drops the No and delivers what we don't want "Pager calls".

So, For the next 30 days I will attempt to post some sort of status update daily, even if I have nothing of substance to post. Although there are many ways to hedge phrases and words that have negative values, to make this simple, I am avoiding the use of words that specify the negative and here's a list for you.

***ADDED THREE NEW WORDS BEFORE n't***

• No
• Not
• Never
• None
• Nothing
• Nowhere
• Neither
• Nobody
• No one
• Hardly
• Scarcely
• Barely
• Should
• Always
• Usually
• Only
• n't (don't, won't, couldn't, etc)

So, from now on, instead of saying "I don't want to go to the movies" I will say instead "I want to stay home" "I want to go to a friend's house" etc. This may even help me challenge my indecisiveness as to state something in the positive such as in the example I must have a firm idea of what I want. It's so easy to decline something because then you are not required to offer an alternative.

So, dear readers, please keep me accountable. If you see me post a negative word listed above, shout it out in the comments!!! The first to catch me at it will receive a Babydust temporary tattoo! Hee hee.  And the challenge will begin with my next post.