Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Waiting...always waiting.

Well, since I got the news I've been dealing with it. Mostly I just want to get back on the TTC train. Slowly most of my stubborn pregnancy symptoms went away. I kept spotting off and on until today...nothing really. This worries me because now I'm concerned that my miscarriage is incomplete and I'll need to do something to finish it. I read that Evening Primrose Oil (EPO) can help soften the cervix so I've started taking that in the hope that it could help things along.

Yesterday, weirdly I had a flash of pregnancy symptoms again...fatigue, sore back (that's been constant though), sore bb, and some nausea. Also cramping, but like the sore back that has also been a bit of a constant. Today I felt so tired and crampy I didn't go to work. But no bleeding yet. I may have to make an appt with my doctor.

I did take an HPT this morning so I could report the BFN to my doctor. The relieving thing about the BFN is that this quells my illogical hope that somehow, someway the pregnancy would bounce back. It confirms that it is indeed a miscarriage.  Another confirmation is the return of the diarrhea, which is another symptoms of early miscarriage.

I just am so impatient...I want the miscarriage to be complete so I can feel whole and ready to move on with TTCing again. I have this unmistakable hope that I will deliver a baby in 2011....insh'allah that is God's wish too. It is up to him when and if I get pregnant. But right now in the midst of this loss I feel hope for a new beginning.

4 comments:

Jennifer (jennjeff12) said...

I am so sorry for your loss and I can only imagine what pain you are going through as well. I hope you are able to get through this quickly so that it does not dwell on you for too long. I hope next cycle is your time and that when you do become pregnant, it is a healthy one too ;) Don't lose hope and just keep trying

Melissa said...

Thank you for your kind words Jennifer :)

We all go a little mad sometimes.... said...

Melissa I am so sorry for your loss! I went through the same thing back in Feb. and my miscarriage did not take care of itself. I had to get a D & C. Just make sure that it has taken care of itself because a D & C is not that awful. I got one and I am pregnant again. You have hope! Keep your head up my prayers are with you!

Melissa said...

Thank you! I am also sorry for your loss. I was concerned and talked to my doctor....she said with my low levels of hCG and how early it was, she expected it to be a light bleed. I've read in some pregnancies the tissue is reabsorbed...maybe that is what happened to me.

Motherhood Wanted approved!

Motherhood Wanted approved!
Diana Farrell, MA

design

Motherhood Wanted approved!