Waiting...always waiting.

Well, since I got the news I've been dealing with it. Mostly I just want to get back on the TTC train. Slowly most of my stubborn pregnancy symptoms went away. I kept spotting off and on until today...nothing really. This worries me because now I'm concerned that my miscarriage is incomplete and I'll need to do something to finish it. I read that Evening Primrose Oil (EPO) can help soften the cervix so I've started taking that in the hope that it could help things along.

Yesterday, weirdly I had a flash of pregnancy symptoms again...fatigue, sore back (that's been constant though), sore bb, and some nausea. Also cramping, but like the sore back that has also been a bit of a constant. Today I felt so tired and crampy I didn't go to work. But no bleeding yet. I may have to make an appt with my doctor.

I did take an HPT this morning so I could report the BFN to my doctor. The relieving thing about the BFN is that this quells my illogical hope that somehow, someway the pregnancy would bounce back. It confirms that it is indeed a miscarriage.  Another confirmation is the return of the diarrhea, which is another symptoms of early miscarriage.

I just am so impatient...I want the miscarriage to be complete so I can feel whole and ready to move on with TTCing again. I have this unmistakable hope that I will deliver a baby in 2011....insh'allah that is God's wish too. It is up to him when and if I get pregnant. But right now in the midst of this loss I feel hope for a new beginning.

Wacky HPT dream

So, last night I had a dream about being in this huge building and there was some evil dictator trying to take over disguised as an orchestra leader but with a plot to blow up the building.

Somehow this dream morphed into me walking along a path and I thought I would use an OPK. I usually use the green test strips that I get online that are supposed to be dipped. I used it as a midstream and it got soaked and when I looked at it it had the blue strip instead of green. So I had accidentally used an HPT and there were TWO lines! I didn't quite believe it and it was so soaked it started coming off in strips like layers of paper. Each strip had two lines though. I was so surprised and excited.

I think all this OPK testing has me dreaming of doing HPT tests. Dreams are weird, huh?