Never not temping/OPKing/CBEFMing again!

This is a frustrating cycle. Well, I take that back, all cycles when you're TTCing are frustrating. But it has been so long since I haven't been tracking my ovulation, that having to figure out when to test or at least when to expect AF is maddening. Factor in a strong evap a few days ago, and I'm wavering between being convinced I'm miraculously pregnant a month after depo provera shot expired---and knowing it's just AF f*cking with me.

Anyhow, to try and batten down the insanity, I'm remembering the TCOYF rule regarding high temps after O--18 high temps or more after O---you're pregnant!  Now, for the uninformed who have not been or don't know how to track ovulation, and are wondering when to test for pregnancy, this rule is very helpful. Essentially, if you want to test for pregnancy and AF hasn't arrived, wait about 18-19 days after last having intercourse to test.  Super long to wait, especially since most LPs are 12-14 days long.

Of course, I've had some regular intervals of BD spaced about 7 days apart. I tested recently about 14 days after BD session 1.  That was when I got the evap. Since I've had no darkening of tests, I'm figuring it for a fluke.....but then pregnancy paranoia kicks in.  I think "but it's only about 4-6 days after BD session 2. Maybe it's a really, really sensitive batch"  But then, I start getting spotting more regularly now. And cramping. And though my regular symptoms are still occurring, the intensity is less--sometimes I don't feel symptoms, then they come back. I think a sign that my progesterone is declining and I am most likely on the Red Train to AF town.

Ah well.

Will the real Aunt Flo please stand up?

I hate when AF comes early. She came Friday, and other than the bleeding, I've felt pretty great. Until today. After we came home from bowling, I had to help DH with the broken mower, and I just started getting really cranky. I went to wash my hands at the sink, and as I was leaning against the sink, it felt like when a cat sprints across the room to one end and back, like twice. (only vertical) Or like something swimming loops.  Then, I started getting a sensation like a root had been pulled, and now semi-bad to bad cramps. 

Here are some of the AF/IPS symptoms that just flared up in the last hour or two since that happened:

Stupid craving! And other ways I convince myself I'm pregnant on my period.

Cravings. They get us every time. Many women have the traditional chocolate or potato chip craving (or chocolate covered potato chips, nom nom nom). For me, it is usually fried food. Often I will crave crab rangoon, my fave guilty pleasure at Chinese restaurants. This was mostly when I lived near a Chinese restaurant that I would pass every day on my way to work. Sometimes it's anything fried, and sometimes only the thing I crave will satisfy. Lately, I've been so off sweets when I'm not on my LP/AF, that it is only in my TWW or on my period that I actually enjoy chocolate or really sweet stuff.

The point of this, is that for some reason this LP, my body decided to give me a yen for ice cream sandwiches. Just the plain vanilla, ice cream sandwich. My mouth just started watering at the thought. And because this, and other symptoms have carried over OR increased into my period, I keep getting that niggling thought that says--"Maybe you're pregnant! Your flow is so light, it could be a really heavy IB. Remember your friend had that happen!" So let's look at the "I'm pregnant" vs. "I'm on my period" arguments.

For formatting sake, we'll start with:

Reasons I believe I am pregnant:

1. Continued, specific cravings for ONE sweet thing, while detesting all other sweets.
2. Loss of appetite/get full fast--I just don't want much. 
3. Fatigue/exhaustion
4. Flow is still on the lighter side. AF was later than I thought, and it takes a whole day to fill my menstrual cup.
5. Some heartburn at night (although I have IBS, this is a more uncommon symptom for me), as well as  small moments of nausea. Fleeting really.
6. Moments of boob pain and especially sharp pain in glands in the back of my arms.
7. Still have a frequent urge to pee.

Reasons why I'm on my period:

1. Craving something in particular is a VERY common period symptom for me.
2. Appetite change I am experiencing is very likely the result of the RJ and Bee Fertile Supplements
1. RJ often gives me loss of appetite, especially at first
2. Vitex/Chasteberry can  exacerbate my depression, often first seen through appetite changes, such as loss of appetite.
3. Fatigue--where to start?
1. Recently ill, unable to get adequate rest this weekend, went to bed late past 3 nights. 
2. Vitex--often causes fatigue as part of worsening potential depressive symptoms
4. Flow is still heavy enough to be my period. I've had recent cycles with varying flow. Also, not even a hint of  a positive on my pregnancy tests 2 days into my period (yes, you read it right, after)
5. I ate a LOT of junk food this weekend and some spicy. Heartburn has been quite light too. IBS is all funky, so, could be just that. Plus I have some weird painful pit in my stomach--I hope I don't have an ulcer. 
6. The logical explanation is that after my initial dip in progesterone, the remaining amount filtering out as my estrogen rises is continuing the occasional boob soreness and gland pain. Also, the RJ might be causing this, as I remember having early boob soreness lasting well into my period.
7. For 12 months now, my symptoms seem to intensify and/or change well into my period. I should know this is my pattern now.

Despite all of the 7 excellent and sensible reasons I have listed supporting that this is JUST another AF, I still have an urge to test. Because my last BFN was using afternoon urine. I guess we'll see what I do tomorrow!


Disclaimer: These supplements were provided to me at no cost, but all opinions are my own. Believe me, I will give you the good, bad, and in-between with an unvarnished eye.

BFN--Now waiting to TTC after move to Texas.

Soooo....after NUMEROUS BFNs--Big FAT Negatives on all of my HPTs....now we're in a holding pattern. I can't move until I get a job. DH is already down there starting his business. God-willing, either I get a job or his business takes off like a rocket and I can move down anyway.

I had quite  rotten week. Tuesday I was walking with a co-worker to get lunch and had a misstep on the pavement and twisted my ankle.  I had to hobble back to the office. Then he offered to drive us there and at the place my phone fell out of my pocket...I heard it and was so distracted by my ankle I said I'd get it back at the office. Got back and NO PHONE. He searched, I searched. Nothing. So I even went back in my car to see if it fell out of the car and there was nothing.

Got a new phone that evening, and then of course, my co-worker found it in the BACK of his car with a lot of other stuff. Since then been ibuprofen, elevating and icing. Thursday I got my period and was a royal, moody terror. I called in sick because I didn't want to inflict myself on others.

Ah well, I guess my TTC efforts will be focused on weight loss and getting to Texas!

IPS (Imaginary Pregnancy Symptoms) from hell!!!!!

Well, I've been a bit silent since my 6DPO post due to two things:

1. DH was freaking out (again) over how much I share on the 'net. Admittedly, if WE are pregnant it will be joint effort although I will do much of the incubating and he should have a say in when and how it is revealed.
2. I had no friggin' clue what my cycle was doing!!

If symptoms could truly confirm pregnancy, I would have had my BFP. I had of course tested early on Valentine's Day (8DPO) as the POAS addict that I am. I delayed testing again until 11 DPO (it is amazing the effect of spending extra moolah on the tests has on your willpower!). Mostly with FRER, but at first had the CBE digi HPT. Anyhoo, still BFNs. By 12-14DPO I had been spotting for--no lie--6 days. Wasn't sure what to call it. I was giving up.

THEN, driving home from the GI doc, INTENSE nausea that did not diminish much after a bowel movement. Also, from that day on (and still) I've had intense sense of smell. Changed my sense of taste a bit too. This gave me hope. These were two symptoms I had my last pregnancy (a bit early on the nausea, but I wasn't really near vomiting, REALLY).

Still no BFP on my home preggo tests. If you remember, I was due to have another Cardiac MRI on Friday. I wasn't sure if the MRI itself was dangerous, but I was pretty sure the contrast dye they used was not so helpful. To give it extra time, I called and moved it again. This time I asked the lab advice on possible pregnancy. They advised a beta and they would not do the test. When I called the Heart Dr.'s office, they said though that it shouldn't prohibit the WHOLE test, but just to have no contrast. We were having a lot of snow that week, so I kept that changed appt time. 

So, THIS Friday (March 4th), I'll be finally heading in for this Cardiac MRI. I'm 98% certain I ain't preggo. (always a little doubt when TTCing, right?). I am still at a loss for my intensified symptoms. Not only have I had continued increased sense of smell (despite a stuffy nose!), my temps have been wavering around my coverline, breasts have had a different level of tenderness, and slight dizzy spells. Backaches were increasing too, but that could be me missing the chiropractor due to snow. 

At some point I just wondered if taking Vitex (Chasteberry) for just a week had some sort of impact. ALSO, when I started gaining hope I decided to help it out by taking some progesterone cream. I think I took too much and this is the true culprit of my "symptoms".

Ah well, if I can get this Cardiac MRI done then maybe I can find out what is happening there, if needed change meds and really jump on the TTC bandwagon!

Mac is back!!!! and other TTC related stuff.

Hip, hip, hooray! I have my Macbook Pro back and the screen is be-yoo-tee-ful!! I can hardly stop looking at it...it's so clear. And readable. And I can see EVERYTHING!!!!!! Yippeee!!!

Ok, so now that this is done, update on my cycle. BFN, BFN, BFN. This is why you don't start testing before 9 DPO Melissa!!!! Even super sensitive 10 mIU brand is failing me. And POASing is so addicting, it is almost as if every BFN increases the desire to test again. One day I test THREE times that day! It's madness! I had nothing to go on either. Just silly suspicion.

Here is the thing. A few days ago I was getting SO tired. Without any obvious reason. Such as lack of sleep, or staying up til 4AM. Nothing that should have affected me that greatly. So from about 6-9DPO I would get so tired every evening. Especially when I worked, but even over last weekend. Things were tasting funny (I had a lemon bar that tasted "chemically" even though it was the same recipe my friend had also used).

Now I am much more energetic and combined with my lack of BFP it is making me feel more defeated. Although lately anything with tomato sauce tastes REALLY acidic (more than usual).

Oh, and I can't recall if I updated on my ECHO. My doctor left a message last Friday (2 Fridays after the 2nd ECHO) saying first that there had been no change since the last one, see you in a year. Then he obviously reviewed my notes and called back explaining why the second ECHO had been done and that because there had been no decrease in function this was good, but we still need to address the current lower functioning.

I panicked because he was very vague saying we needed to address it in the next few MONTHS. He called Monday and I got a chance to discuss it with him. He explained it was something about the pressure the ventricle made on the left side that was too low.  Every year I go to these appointments and they're fine, but ultimately they're looking for changes to see if I need surgery to repair or replace my valve. I was fearful that he was going to tell me this was happening.

I was so relieved that he said this is something that could be fixed with medication. I need to set up an appointment with him in January and we'll discuss what meds are needed and what will be safe for pregnancy.

I guess we'll see!

Nausea and Dizziness...why?

Well, as I've mentioned (several times before) I still have bronchitis. Pain in the you-know-what. Lately it seems that I get sharp stabbing or prickling/burning pains when I breathe and constant dull ache on the lower part of my ribs. My doctor doesn't seem concerned and with 3 doctor's bills waiting to be paid I'm not too anxious to create more unless necessary.

Lately my dizziness is increasing. Lately I've only been dizzy 1 or maybe 2 times a day. Today it was several. When I coughed very hard or got up too fast (duh). It seemed like 6-10 times today that I was so dizzy I had to pause to catch my balance.

I checked and there are several sites that show nausea and dizziness as possible either symptoms or side effects of meds for bronchitis.

I was so confused that I even took a HPT

I knew I shouldn't but, it just had me wondering. I'm such a sucker for pee sticks! Even when I know beyond a shadow of a doubt (ok a little doubt) that there's no way I still succumb to the allure of testing. It's an addiction.