Jumping back in?

Hello readers (if I still have any). 

Awhile I ago I made the decision to stop TTC due to the progression of my heart condition. I have been on Mirena IUD, quite happily, and just had my Mirena re-inserted at 5 year mark in Sept 2019.

Mirena IUD from mirena-us.com

However, since then, I have had my long-awaited pulmonary heart valve replacement. The wonders of modern medicine still amaze me. When I had my first valve inserted when I was just 8 yo, I had to have open heart surgery and 17 days in hospital, due to complications.

THIS time...with the Edwards-Sapien valve, they were able to insert via catheter. I had ONE night in hospital and two weeks recovery. I am currently on two meds to prevent clots, a baby aspirin and Plavix (lisinopril). Luckily, I will be off the lisinopril in April 2020, after I see my Cardiologist for my follow-up appointment.

Heart Health from heartfoundation.org.au

I have had such massive improvement of heart symptoms since the surgery. At least 95% reduction in chest pain and heart palpitations (my estimate). My experience was having chest pain and/or heart palpitations at least once daily prior to valve replacement, and now I have nearly none!

Since I've been feeling so well, my DH asked me one day what I thought about TTC again.

thebrianahansen.com

I had happily accepted our childless state. I really enjoy not having periods due to being on Mirena. I do have some serious concerns about how my mental health will fare with the physical and other demands of pregnancy and early motherhood.

I do still regret not making him a father. Because he will be such a great one. I told him all of this and stated that I would not be willing to go forward unless

A) We wait to start TTC after talking to my Cardiologist at my follow-up in April.
B) He must, must, must help with newborn care. I mean, equal share, because I know when I'm sleep-deprived my heart, behavioral and all other health suffers and I genuinely am concerned that it will make me a terrible mother to boot.

He agreed. Now I'm in research mode, trying to find out what other monitors, herbal remedies, and overall tools for TTC are available now that weren't 5 years back when I stopped trying.

Wish me luck, readers! If you want to see what supplements, monitors and other tools I'm stocking up on for TTC, check out my Getting Ready to TTC 2.0 list on Amazon.

Don't Ignore the Treatments Options for Infertility Pt. 1

When a couple trying to conceive reaches the point where they are seeking medical assistance to achieve pregnancy, they may not be aware of each option available to them for treating their infertility. Because there are many possible causes to infertility, there could be a variety of treatment options, one which may be more appropriate than another depending on the physical barriers to conception. Sometimes when a couple gets a diagnosis of infertility, their first thought regarding possible treatment options are the more invasive ones, such as In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) or IUI (Intrauterine Insemination). There may be a myriad of less invasive treatments or other alternatives available, but much of this can depend on the type and severity of the diagnosis. 

The main impediments to conception for women may be lack of or inadequate ovulation, conditions that increase risk of miscarriage, poor egg health, conditions that prevent sperm from reaching the ovum or other impediments to effective implantation of a fertilized zygote. The main barriers to fertility for men relate to sperm production: low sperm count, poor sperm morphology or low motility of sperm. 

For couples with one or more of these barriers, there can be a variety of treatments that range from least invasive to highly intensive. Understanding what your options are can be essential to carefully weighing which ones are best for you and your partner. 

Diagnosis: Hypothyroidism

Well. I got a letter from my doctor, who I saw around mid-March. She did a CBC (complete blood count), cholesterol screen and a hormone panel. My cholesterol is good, no problems with blood sugar, prolactin is normal. However.....

My blood test indicates I have hypothyroidism (lower than normal production of thyroid hormones).  My doctor's letter did not indicate the numbers, but I did appreciate how her letter explained it to me in normal English with minimal doctor-speak. But, the letter indicated she was including a prescription for Synthroid (25 mcg), but the nurse must've forgotten to put it in the envelope. Needless to say, I was beyond frustrated. I thought that maybe she had called it in to the pharmacy instead, and had my DH go by and see. He said the pharmacy tech looked at him like he was an idiot. I had to get the letter TWO WEEKS after it was dated, on  a Friday, and of course I can't even leave a message for the doctor until Monday.

My first cycle on Bee Fertile

So, yesterday, AF showed, making my nephew's 1st birthday CD1. *sigh* Anyhow, time to analyze my first cycle on Bee Fertile!  So, overall, I would say that my PMS symptoms after O were more stable and increased intensity.

Previous cycles, a symptom like, tender breasts would be very tender one day, less tender the next, and then increase in intensity.

What does it mean when your cycle is messed up?

That is what I ask myself. Yes, cycle's change. You can have a consistent pattern six cycles in a row, and just when you seem to have identified the pattern, it changes. If ONLY for that one cycle. Just to show you that you can't ever be definite when it comes to your body.  I don't know how many times I've seen posts on forums or pregnancy sites claiming that "royal jelly messed up my cycle!" Replace the underlined word with the newest supplement to be touted as the infertility cure. I've seen it said about Soy Isoflavones, Vitex (chasteberry), and any number of other blends or new supplements.

Here is the cold hard truth. These supplements are supposed to make your cycle change. Yeah. I said it.

When something changes that is good, we sigh in relief or jump for joy and think, "Yes! It worked" or something to that effect. When something changes that is not what we were hoping for or expecting, it messed it up or didn't work.  After 3 years of attempting to conceive successfully, I will admit that many (ok, most) of the times that my cycle took a drastic turn, I was moaning and complaining with the rest of my TTC pals. But later, because hindsight is 20/20, I saw how perhaps these changes, although not the immediate miracle I was longing for, these changes are what just might push me towards that happy ending in the form of a healthier cycle.

The first time I tried Royal Jelly, I loathed the increase in PMS symptoms AFTER AF, that made me insanely paranoid that I had actually become pregnant but was having early bleeding. Which when you think about it, isn't a great sign anyway. BUT, one thing I did notice about my flow, was it turned from dark and clotty, to thin, bright red. Almost really EWCM with blood. And from what I've read, a bright red, non-clotty flow is a healthy one. So, although it was inaugurated by some killer cramps, the likes of which I had not seen since my teen years, I took this as a sign I was headed in the right direction.

So to sum up the good things that happened when my cycle "messed up":

1. Healthier, cleaner flow
2. Symptoms more similar to adolescence, which let's face it, are generally more fertile than your 30's . 
3. Lengthening of LP to just around 11-12 consistently. Also, spotting before AF is now negligible, and sometimes absent.

So, I recognized a temp pattern in my early pre-O temps. Around 5-7 days after a "false O" that occurs about the 2nd week of my cycle (CD's 7-12), I get my true O. I have to say what was most frustrating to me was my CBEFM! After 2 lows, I just kept getting Highs. And 3 days after FF gave me cross hairs, still only High! I will say though, that looking at the sticks, they've read closer to lows that I've had in the past. The closest to a Peak was about 3 days before FF said I O'd, where both lines were present, but quite faint. 

Yet, here is my chart today. 

9 days later I get my O. 2 days past the longest stretch between my "false O" and true O. Plus no High on my CBEFM. But as you can see, my clear Fall-back rise pattern, which has only failed me a few times. So I'm sold. Goodbye CBEFM, I might give you ONE more shot next cycle. But did the Bee Fertile "mess up" this cycle? Not really. Because in order to fix something, sometimes you have rebuild it piece by piece. Lay the foundation, shift a few things here, add some things there, and eventually, your building is functioning more effectively. But it takes time, and sometimes it won't work right away. 

Besides, if you read the literature on Bee Fertile, it is not claiming a quick fix. It lets you know that it becomes most effective after 3 cycles. If you get knocked up in cycle 1 or 2, you're just lucky!  I hope I get that luck!

Disclaimer: Although the Bee Fertile supplements were provided to me at no charge, all opinions are my own. Trust me, I 'll give you the good, bad and in-between with an un-varnished eye!

Fertility charting pattern prediction Pt 2

So, if you read my post about an Interesting Chart Pattern I discovered, here's a followup to it! Yesterday, I posted about noticing a "false O" after AF that usually proceeded O by about 5-7 days. So, with my "false O" being on Sunday (2/26) CD7, I looked ahead about 6-7 days and see that I should O around this weekend, Sat Mar 3 or Sun Mar 4. It would be a kind of early one for me, although I have O'd on CD13 before.

So, I predicted that today would be my first High on my Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor (CBEFM). And so it was!

Here is a pic of my chart today, with the green marks I added predicting possible O dates and readings on my CBEFM.



Also, I noticed yesterday my nips started hurting, which has progressed to a faint bruised feeling on the sides of my BBs--all classic signs of approaching O.

I have to say that with the Bee Fertile supplements, I feel a stabilization of my cycle symptoms. They follow the same familiar pattern, but are more stable and consistent. Previously with Vitex, my moods have become despondent and alternatively happy.  With Royal Jelly I get some stabilization, but eventually the severity of the PMS symptoms during my period took its toll.

Since my period ended and I've started the Bee Fertile regimen, I've noticed a very stable mood, if a little weepy and nostalgic at times, but never so overpowering that I felt swept away. I also feel I have improved energy. But this is the "calm before the storm" so to speak. This is the one time in my cycle I feel "normal" As O approaches, the symptoms and my analysis of them increase and my mood becomes more erratic. I'm praying that this will bring a welcome change that also leads to increased fertility!

So, I'm not really doing Sperm Meets Egg plan faithfully. But with this new prediction, I'm hoping to use it to plan and hit the 3days before O and O. Since today was High, I gotta get busy!

Disclaimer: Although the Bee Fertile supplements were provided to me at no charge, all opinions are my own. Trust me, I 'll give you the good, bad and in-between with an un-varnished eye!

Hmmm...interesting chart pattern

So, I keep getting "faked out" by what seems to be an early O---low temps after period ends, then a huge spike that seems like I have O'd much earlier than I usually do. It's happened so often, that when my temp spiked 3 days ago, I took it for granted. But then I thought....hmm, I wonder if this pattern could give me a heads up to when I might O!

So I created an overlay of "average" charts and I did identify a pattern.



I identified the highest temp that spiked after AF and before O. (circled in red) You'll see that of the 4 cycles I identified, the highest temp spike occured 5-7 days before O was identified. So, with that logic, looking at my current cycle...



It looks like if O could be 6-7 days from now, it could occur CD13-14 (Sat Mar 3or Sun Mar 4). If that is the case, then if we make sure to BD starting today and for the next 5 days, we could easily catch O! We'll see if my theory holds true! Either way, I'll still be using my CBEFM to track it.

Royal Jelly and Infertility

So, I was at the supermarket today and happened down the vitamin aisle.  I was hoping to pick up a DHA supplement and look at prices and types of prenatals. Then I saw a Royal Jelly Supplement! This was in pill form but I have occasionally read about the benefits of Royal Jelly.

Just in case you're wondering, it is a bee product. It is produced by worker bees and fed to a single drone bee to transform it into a Queen bee. Most bees have a lifespan of about 20 months, whereas a Queen bee lives for 5 YEARS!!! There have been documented studies in it's benefits for fertility in animals and anecdotes from women AND men who have benefited from it.

I had to buy it and see if it has any effect. Hopefully it'll be a good one. In some sites it claims to be a good aid in IVF or IUI cycles as it increases egg health---good for increasing follicles and maturing eggs. Also for those with Male Factor Infertility (MFI) Royal Jelly is said to increase quality of sperm. The "science" of applying use of bee products to aid in health is called Apitherapy. See this blog on developments in the use of Royal Jelly and other bee products.

RESOLVE--Infertility Awareness

I know I'm, oh, about 4 months too late to start talking about infertility awareness, but I suddenly truly realized how damaging it is. I was reading another poor girl's post on TMP, about how upset she was that she hasn't gotten pregnant yet---she's on her 3rd month trying.

At first, I felt exasperated. Because I'm one of the LTTCER's (Long Term TTCer) who has put in 24+ months in efforts to try to conceive...this may be very snobby of me, and it is hard to say WHEN someone has the right to complain that it is been too long, but 3 months just seemed WAY too early. Plus, it seems that about 1/2 of the women who make that complaint this early will get pregnant in another two months or so. Mostly, it makes me think about how long it is taking ME to get (and stay) preggers and my trying not to lose hope. I just kept thinking, "well, if she is finding it hard now, wait until another 10 months come an go and see where she is at."

But then I really started thinking about it. It is NOT her fault that she believes pregnancy should come easily. Infertility is a taboo topic in our culture. It causes most couples starting a family to accept the myth that "it's easy to start a family" or that "you're not normal if you can't get pregnant right away." That, plus all of the sex education given as a teen about how easy it is to get pregnant and how it is important to ALWAYS protect yourself from unwanted pregnancy leads a couple to expect that all they have to do is select the month they want to deliver, count back 10 months or so to stop any birth control and get ready for their new baby.

(To any teens or women seeking to prevent pregancy reading this, it IS very important to protect yourself because one thing I have learned is that the pregnancy fairy usually chooses when and how she grants wishes, and it is usually not to those who expect it. Let's say she has bad aim)

Those who haven't experienced it don't know how to deal with it, or are judgmental or political (aren't there already too many children in the world?). Those who are (or have) experiencing it don't talk about it because 1) They don't want to be (or have been) judged by others and 2) They feel alone....and that perpetuates that taboo!! Their belief of being alone, no one understanding, shames them into not talking about it openly with others.

I then felt resolve myself to remember that infertility is misunderstood and this is why so many women blame themselves and feel like a failure after 2 or 3 months of trying!!!

I had seen a lot of blog posts about this in April or May during National Infertility Week/Month and checked out the RESOLVE website. This is a non-profit organization that is dedicated to educating people about infertility.

I found a startling statistic--Infertility affects 1 in 8 couples of reproductive age. 1 in 8. Think of 8 couples you know of reproductive age. If you yourself aren't infertile, that means one of those 8 may be. And they are suffering in silence.

I firmly believe in educating ourselves, which is why when I start most projects I try to find out as much as I can. But, many people don't think to or don't know where to look. So, I want to do what I can to help educate others on infertility. Hopefully one day it will become a conversation where it isn't assumed to happen to an unfortunate few but as a prevalent issue among our society.

I especially love the resources the RESOLVE site has for discussing infertility. It gives several good options for responding to questions others ask regarding family-building efforts. Check it out!!

I never thought I would feel this way, but...

I find I'm having a difficult time with the number of pregnant women in my life. I have often when wishing a friend or fellow forum member congrats had that small moment or glimmer of celebrating my BFP. At first, it was more hopeful and inspiring. Later as the months wore on it became more sad. I think for a long time because I wasn't ovulating and I knew it wouldn't be likely until I stopped my meds that I was somewhat in a holding pattern. I was "actively" TTC--sorta. Really it was more like waiting.

I think since January (2010) I have started to experience more frustration and grief over my own lack of ovulation. There was one day in May that I was so low (I don't think taking Vitex helped) that I just HAD to go out for a walk and think things through. It was either go out and do something or curl up and have a good cry and I didn't want to feel sorry for myself. Out on the walk I would see happy families and even passed a woman with a baby. I had to rush past or risk breaking out in tears in front of them. I also started feeling more pain when I saw someone's signature on the forums with a baby ticker (mostly the Pregnology ones that show an embryo/fetus in utero).

I realize that this is MY pain over MY difficulties. For my pregnant friends (and family!) please understand that I am ecstatic that you are experiencing this joyful stage in your life. I cannot wait for the day when I can hold your little one and coo over whether he/she has momma's nose or daddy's eyes. Even at my miscarriage, I reminded myself of the practical reasons and looked forward to the future, while grieving for my loss. I knew (and know) how much I can handle related to pregnancy.

Yet, just recently, every pregnancy announcement or belly pic just makes me long for my own pregnancy---future ones and the never-was.

So, if I excuse myself from conversation or don't seem as enthusiastic over your baby plans, it is not that I wish you ill but am overcome by my own lacking. I apologize if I seem rude.

I really think that right now I'm 6DPO and am SUPER weepy and emotional so it is hitting me really hard. Normally I can keep my chin up. I have seen soooo many women despairing of how everywhere they look there is a pregnant woman and how hard it is to handle. I can handle it, but today it is much more difficult than before.