Friday, May 9, 2014

The longing and the waiting...

I recently started posting quotes on my Twitter account @MotherhoodWantd
The one I posted for today made tears well up in my eyes, because it is so true. Anyone TTC for very long will know that this can encapsulate the emotions of infertility.

It is hard to wait for something that might never happen; it is harder to give up when you know it is everything you want. --Unknown. (

For me, this has been my struggle for the last 2 years or so.  Do I give up due to the potential threat to my health and the never-ending failure to get pregnant/carry to term? A large part of me is ready to throw in the towel. 1) I love my husband, my family 2) It scares me to think of either not surviving my pregnancy, losing the baby because of it, or just being so sick after that I can't take care of my kid.

I've tried to explain this to my husband, but he is in denial over the potential deadliness of my condition. I have to say the desperate, biological drive to reproduce has me also wanting to throw caution to the wind. Part of me wonders if my miscarriages are God's way of preserving me. And I should listen. But my cardiologist gives me hope. He says that I shouldn't be able to live the life I want and promises to take care of me if I do get pregnant. But it is scary.

I think it is hardest when I see my husband with our nieces and nephews; he has such a great time and he will make such a fantastic father. It is hard to give up on that.

No comments:

Motherhood Wanted approved!

Motherhood Wanted approved!
Diana Farrell, MA


Motherhood Wanted approved!