Sunday, October 14, 2012

How to accept the option of living child-free

Obviously, I haven't posted in months. From my last post, I was struggling with the recommendations from my doctors that carrying a pregnancy would endanger my life and processing never being able to parent a child that was my husband's and mine without the use of a surrogate.
Every couple seeking to conceive will have different motivations for doing so. I think for all of us it is based on a primal instinct to reproduce.  I believe the motivations of each couple are important in determining what avenues of achieving parenthood that they  are willing to pursue.

Most couples start with natural means. Some may need to move on to further medical interventions, such as IUI or IVF. These may be needed if the couples main motivation is to carry a child that is genetically theirs and for the mother to carry the pregnancy.

For some, their fertility problems or other health issues may require them to look at other options. These may include:

 As I processed the grief of never being able to carry my own child, I had to evaluate which of these options my spouse and I would be willing to try. I realized the main part of my grief was that my husband and I would not be able to have a child that was ours--a mixture of him and me. When I realized that this was more important to me than simply being a parent, I realized that the only options we might have would be surrogacy or child-free. Since surrogacy is currently out of our financial means, I was beginning to accept a child-free life.

Since I genuinely love my husband and our current life together this was an acceptable option for me. It was easier to accept when my husband reminded me that he married me, not someone to be the mother of his children and he loved me not matter what. I feel exactly the same way, and I know now that if we are somehow able to conceive a child of our own or not, I will still be fulfilled in the life I have.

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Motherhood Wanted approved!

Motherhood Wanted approved!
Diana Farrell, MA


Motherhood Wanted approved!