Saturday, September 25, 2010


So I was thinking about when we started TTC. After my last ECHO (which was taken when I was sick) the doc wasn't too pleased and wants to get another one. If I hadn't even opened my mouth and asked about TTC, he would have set it for 6 months and probably not mentioned anything about whether I should TTC.

BUT, I did ask, and they decided I should NOT TTC for now, and thankfully one of my doctors decided it could be moved up to November instead of 6 months from now.

My vent is that when I first decided I was going to TTC (2 years ago) I worked with ALLLLL of my doctors (in Texas) to get my health--mental and physical--ready for this. My cardiologist said that this would be the BEST time to start TTC regarding my heart. My mental health doctors even though they seemed to be against it, were willing to help me reduce my meds slowly so I could transition off of them easily once I got pregnant. However....

Not ONE of my psychiatrists in Texas mentioned any possibility that the side effects of one of my meds could make me infertile. They didn't suggest testing for it. I had to be the one to finally ask after 6-12 months of charting with no O!!!!!!!!

I will say that my current psychiatrist did mention it, but like a fool, I discounted that "it would happen to me." I was so stupid and stubborn and blind. And when I was finally convinced that it was the medication, the weather was so bad that taking me off of it could have seriously affected my mood!!!!!!

So now, when finally I'm ovulating regularly, my psych meds are perfect, MY HEART is the problem!!!!!!!! Grrrr.....****stomp****....AAARRRGGH!

I know life is unfair. I know things will happen when God plans for it, but why not now? I think the hardest part of waiting is not knowing IF I will ever get a baby. It's like, if I knew that it would happen, then it wouldn't be so hard. But that would affect my behavior right? Then I might not do what needs to happen to get that baby. See the vicious circle? It's why we mere mortals can't know our future.


Ashleigh said...

I'm sorry Melissa :( I believe it WILL happen for you- just gotta get everything straightened out first, so you can be mentally and physically ready for your wonderful bundle of joy. I don't know when it will happen, but I just know it will. It will be so worth it.

Melissa said...

Thank you for the support. It's just depressing realizing that if I'd known (or acknowledged) it sooner I could already be pregnant now!!!!

Motherhood Wanted approved!

Motherhood Wanted approved!
Diana Farrell, MA


Motherhood Wanted approved!